Self Knowing

For most of the last week dualities presented themselves to me in the most mundane of circumstances.  In my 5 Gifts class one student asked where "Good" and "Evil" lie within the "Eternal Oneness of God".  Conversations played out with my girlfriends about how boyfriends do this "wrong" and why can't they just get it "right".  There was the slightly passive tone in a family member's email suggesting how I have let them down.  Or the way a colleague expressed dismay when I tried to help out with a project in which they had wanted to take the lead and I felt like I had overstepped my bounds.

All of these situations prompted waves of guilt and feelings of "un-deservedness" and as I began my homework for my Roots class, reading Emmerson with a sense of resignation, the pages reflected back to me My Truth.  An inner knowing reached up from the inner shadows of my heart to confirm that "my life is not an apology but a life" and should I choose to "believe my own thoughts, what is true for me, in my heart; this, is genius."  So, whether or not It was always there and I have feigned to recognize It, or It appeared as a teacher for this week, no matter.  Self Knowing is Mine and Mine Alone.

Emmerson writes that the rule of wisdom is to never "rely on memory alone but bring it to judgement into 1000-eyed present."  I am aware of how often I live in the present moment burdened with my past hurts.  I find myself again and again emptying the contents of my baggage for others to bear witness to, as if to attempt to vindicate my behaviors or even my current state of existence. I know that it is my innocent way of trying to explain myself, yet he writes, "to be great, is to be misunderstood" and I always resist the idea that I am great.

I think, in the end, when we do find courage to bring our thoughts out of the dark recesses of our hidden chambers, from deep within the fear-laden lair of the Ego Mind, we can see them for what they really are; which is to know them for our own thoughts, from our hearts, which is, in so many ways, the Mind of God. In fact, Ernest Holmes says, in the Science of Mind, that If God is all there is, then past, present, and future -- time experience, and form -- if they exist at all, must exist as some part of the Truth.  If this Truth is all there is, we also must be included in It and we should identify ourselves with It.  Thus, the Allness of Truth automatically includes the Reality of our own being.

And so it is.