I AM

Looking back at my year plus of blog entries I realize that I have used the phrase "I AM" quite a bit.

This blog has been, for me, a personal revelation of what I AM remembering about my life & what has shaped me to become who I AM, to that which I recognize & relate.

But today I sort of thought of how I spend more time thinking about who I AM NOT rather than enjoying what I AM.

When someone compliments me, saying that I am a good writer, I say to myself, I am not a great writer. When someone says I am a good mother, I will say that I am not a great mother.

Today a friend said to me, "Jill, I hear you always talk about what you are not, are you gonna live the rest of your life that way? Can you see what your are, that which is good?"

I struggled with this, I tried to justify what I was saying, I stammered at the moment she looked at me, feeling as though she expected me to say something about what I am. I just broke down into tears.

I find it so easy to say what I AM NOT but I struggle so much with admitting the good stuff.

So, for lack of anything better to believe, here we go....

I AM kind, nurturing, caring, smart, creative, mature, loving, beautiful, sexy, strong and financially stable. I AM a good mother, a survivor, a reliable employee, a trusted friend, an inspiring woman, powerful athlete and a forgiving soul. I AM that and so much more.

Today, I am going to start believing in myself from a place of wholeness, rather than living and reacting from a place of fear.