Mudifestation

Wow.  I am 40.  I think I am having the ubiquitous mid-life crisis.  As I grow, learn and live I find that the experiences I am faced with are both typical in a global sense and yet independently unique to me.  Everyone has experienced loss, disappointment, betrayal, etc.  Everyone has had moments of pure ecstasy, unfettered joy, unbridled passion, etc.  This is life.

We have the opportunity to choose how we respond to life’s circumstances.  We do, but we often fall into the egoist trap of ‘victim mentality’ blaming others and not truly being authentic with our emotional reactions. We lack faith.  Faith in the bigger picture.

At this point in my life, you’d think I’d have it all figured out, right?  At least, that is what my mind tells me should be happening.  It’s a constant barrage of criticisms and judgments for not “having met the right one” or “not having achieved a pinnacle in my career” or “feeling like a failure as a mother”.  I spend a lot of time trying to see the truth.  And sometimes that intense observation only muddies the view.

In Science of Mind (SOM) they speak a lot about manifestation.  If you read definitions, you’d know that to manifest is to “demonstrate” something.  It may be an indication or expression of the existence of something happening. If you saw the movie, the Secret, you may believe that simply by believing you can, you will.

These definitions are interesting.  Because as a practitioner of SOM, I’d debate the idea of the mind seeing versus the heart feeling.  I met someone recently who adamantly expressed his mind-focused view of the world, almost in opposition to my heart-centered view of the same world.  Which is correct?  I actually enjoy debating the difference between the two and I’d argue the definition is somewhere within the shades of color representing a glimpse of actual truth.

What we don’t know is so much greater than that which we do know.  Therefore, how can we possibly limit ourselves with vision boards, prayers for something and petitions for change?  Be the change you want to see in the world is not a petition for change, it is quite simply, a declaration of action.

One of my favorite songs of all time, is Round Here by Counting Crows.  It starts out like this, “stepped out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white.  And in-between the moon and you the angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right.”

Why can the angels see the difference and I am so confused?  I feel like I’ve stepped out onto the front porch of my life and I am walking like a ghost into the fog.  Not knowing where I am going or where I will end up.  If I fear and fret about the outcome I only confuse my reality.  The total truth is that I’ve just stepped out into the night.  That is all.  Nothing more, nothing less.

I believe I’ve discovered a new phenomenon.  It’s a process of “mudifestation”.  I think, that as humans, or as somewhat astute humans who feel as if we’ve got some kind of control over our existence and we try to SEE more than what really IS.  And instead of “manifesting” truths we “mudifest” the reality of our existence.

I know I am a lot like Maria in that song.   I thought I was close to understanding God.  I know I am more than just a little misunderstood and have trouble acting normal when I am nervous.   I am, in short, me.  A unique totally independent manifestation of the greater whole of existence.  There is a fine line between my truth and the whole truth.  The dirty water isn’t necessarily an indication of wrong direction.  It’s just a place where we are.

Dennis Merritt Jones came to speak at the Center maybe a year ago and he spoke of this parable of a tiny civilization who lived in a stream of flowing water.  They clung to the rocks, and sticks and leaves, whatever they could and held on with all their might.  Strife was their existence.  But what else was there?  They couldn’t let go!?  But one finally, out of sheer exhaustion did finally let go.  At first it was terrified and regretful that it had “died” but the others, as it passed by saw it as a messiah and believe that it had become enlightened.  So, who knows what we are doing here… each of us on our own journey.  Sometimes lost.  Sometimes trapped.  Sometimes floating by in the messiness of the muddy waters of life.

Lost in the mystery of mudifestation I sleep tonight and pray, on this beautiful full moon that when I wake and step out into the new day I will be grateful for where I am, who I am and what shows up in my life.