I guess Christian Bale is quoted as saying that he learned that there's a certain character that can be built from embarrassing yourself endlessly. He rationalized, that, if you are okay with that, then there isn’t much else that can bother you. I agree.
The other day, I was headed to church, as usual, on my bike, in a skirt. It is normal for me to ride to church all dressed up but abnormal to “do it” under general population’s definition of “going to church”. Yet I do, each week, arriving in some kind of fashionable arrangement of dress, heels and bicycle that for me, makes absolute sense, since parking is an issue and I like the health benefits of riding a bicycle whenever I can. But to others, I know, it seems odd. And, well, last week, I had one of those moments that verifies the “other’s” perspective.
Here I was, innocently riding along to church in my skit; long, red, new, pretty. I am usually able to stuff the length up underneath my seat to sufficiently arrive at church unscathed. But this day, for some reason, the skirt, unknowingly to me, fell and suddenly I was stopped short, abruptly with basically 2/3 of my skirt now devoured within the rear brakes and wheel of my bicycle.
First, I looked around me to make sure no one had seen the “incident”. Then, I tried to loosen the skirt from the unwavering grasps of the brakes. No luck. My skirt began to tear. So, I slowly peeled my leg off of the bike, onto the street, so that I am now facing the bike, two feet on one side, skirt tightly and securely fastened within the rear brakes and wheel.
I bend over and release the “quick-release” (Oh Thank God for Quick Release Wheels!!!) and remove the rear wheel, thereby relieving the pressure on my ass and the skirt. It was free from the rear brakes, but not from grease stains and small tears; essentially ruined. And what was I gonna do? Go to church as such?
The thing is, I am not so afraid to admit defeat in such matters. Shit happens. And, in fact, when one is pushing the bounds of society’s accepted norms of behavior, so be it! Allow the chaos to ensue!! And I will graciously deal with it. Actually, I almost say, bring it on!!
But it brings about a thought about chaos in general. I simply do not accept it in my life. I retreat, retaliate, relinquish, and seek to relieve myself in every instance where chaos appears from outside sources. Yet, when it comes from a pure and honest circumstance of my being me, I fully accept it. Does that mean I am selfish? Does it mean I am weak?
Henry Miller said that chaos is the score upon which reality is written. And I love that so much because we all talk about what’s REAL for ourselves but, in my humble opinion, there really is only one TRUTH. And in light of laws and love in this Universe, we are but mere specs upon the windshield, snowflakes in the blizzard, drops of water in the ocean…. Give chaos a name and place in your life and sure, it becomes alive, big, and dominate. Believe that it is simply a part of the greater whole, then you minimize your damage. You remain in stillness. You go with the flow. You are, in short, as Christian Bale said, in bliss, because you don’t really know anything else.
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